worthless..that's how I really feel about myself right now..no..I think it had been like that for even longer..this is not humility..not even solf-conciousness..it's just the way I am..for a long, long, long time..ever wondered what the point of living??I had like in every waking momment..it's just that..I got lost track of things so easily..things which are supposed to be important..things which will meant the most..things..all sort of things..things I keep ignoring..yeah..ignorant is the most suitable word for me..
right now..I'm nothing more but a lump of flesh and blood waiting for this day to end..or even for my life..I just can't keep up with all this boredom filling up within me..annoying yet nothing I'll do ever statisfying..does that mean I'm too conceited??what does it mean anyway..I just use it because that what came up in me..hah..damn..will I be getting bored to death here..in all my past..all that I can remember is the bored feeling whenever I become familiar with something..be it a sport, games, hobbies whatever..dont even talk about fashion..it didn't last for more than half a day to me..nothing seems to be enough for me..once I learned how to do things..then all that I can see is the times I'll be repeating the same things over and over again..it will always be the same thing from that point onward..nothing ever change after that..all I did was running in circle..not getting anywhere..
how can everybody else be changing yet I'm still the same..frustated..lost interest in things that I do..why can't something be enough for me..anything..I played a hundred games a week yet I never finished more than 1 or two..once I mastered all the element there is in the game then the loop will start..always the same things to do..leveling up..beating the boss..I had to level up to be able to defeat it..yet leveling up is repeating the same thing over and ever again..until at certain level I'll be sure to defeat the last boss of the game..why can't I fight it when I'm still weak and not getting a game over??
heck..I dont even understand what I'm saying here..I lost interest in typing so this is where it'll end..nothing more after this fullstop..
3 years ago
