Looking Into The Future..

2008 is over and here comes 2009..My, my..it has been 23 years already since I was first born into this world..a period which I myself doesn't know wether it's already long or short..and I'm not even sure if I'll ever be living my life to the fullest..even so, what I can do for now strive forward..like I had always do back then..

snorkeling vs snorekling..

during my last visit to the beach a few days ago, I went snorkeling..which was my 1st time actually..I had never participate in any activities involving being under water for a long period of time beside this holding-breath-under-the-water competition which usually held during short trips to the beach with a bunch of friends..this involve a group of guys and sometime girls also try to held their breath under the water too see which one of them that could do so for as the longest period..haah~ it sure bring back memories..good times, good times..anyway, unlike the usual snorkeling activities which we done in the open seas, I snorkeled in a man-made pool which was filled with salt-water from the sea and more or the less a simple under water ecosystem..this include marine life such as multiple kind of fishes, one sea turtle, man made corals and a few sunken tires and ship..well not the big kind of ship really..it was just a normally seen fisherman's boat a.k.a the "sampan"..I had plenty of fun inside there..watching, feeding, touching the fishes give me a lot of ease in both mind and heart..it makes me forget about the harsh, hot land..wonder if we could build a utopia inside of this cold, serenading, under water world..
moving on to snorekling..yes this is a word which seems quite similar but have another kind of meaning..this term comes from the root word "snore" which is used to show an act of snoring during sleep..and of course, I made it up myself to spice up the title a little bit..don't use this word in an academic writing..I used it to show the wonderful and relaxing holiday I am having right now..which I spent most of the time on my bed..but I don't snore while I'm sleeping of course..I exaggerate the tittle a little bit..
seems like this will be my final post for this year..not pretty much to covered up another year ending..well like I care..
hehehe
^_^

seeking for a lifetime's companion??

I went to yet another one of my friend marriage ceremony yesterday..it seems more of the people that I used to know have started moving onto the next level in life..the life of marriage..heh, some of them are already in the world of parenthood right now with two kids..people around my age group are all starting to leave their singleness and share their world with another person..now they have one more pair of ears which listen to their worries and problems instead of their own..while I'm still licking my own wound they already have someone to dress their injuries and soothes the pain..they chat with each other, holding hand happily and I'm just talk to myself with my hands deep inside my pocket..and much more had they gained from this life of marriage..I wish them happiness from the bottom of my empty heart..



I can just wonder, if I'll ever find my own happiness like theirs..when I am....me..well whatever will be will be, I suppose..right now, I still had a long road ahead of me without a slightest idea of when or how it will end..even whitout someone to hold my hand and accompany me through my journey, I must carry on..dragging my boredom on my back..

hahaha
^_^

side notes: this is not an advertisement for an ice breaking..

0 existence

the title above is suppose to be read as 'zero existence'..just so you know..


laying back on my bed with ruffled bedsheet and comforter..I raise my arm high and then put it across my face..haih~~what am I doing??thinking about myself, wandering through my fantasies, getting lost in thought, fathoming what my future will be..all this while laying motionlessly on the crumpled bed cloth..
so much for holidays..I'll be spending most of the time I have on bed as ussual..while my friends and colleagues probably making use of their time with family bonding, trips and dates, I will be here on my bed for 3/4 of my daily life..I'm not sick, involved in accident or whatever..this is just what I do during my free times..shifting back into the shadow..relaxing..rejuvenating..hibernating and so on..

haaaahhhh~~this is life..

hehehe
^_^

Melayu!!

Ini terbitan pertama aku dalam BM untuk blog ni..sebab utamanya adalah,aku nak menulis tentang bangsa aku dan aku tak nak gunakan bahasa lain untuk itu..jadi aku pun guna bahasa yang boleh difahami oleh semua golongan yang berada di dalam rumpun Melayu seantero dunia..
setiap kali baca surat khabar,ada tiga segmen yang paling aku tak suka nak tengok tapi terpaksa tengok..segmen jenayah, hiburan dan politik..sebabnya ketiga-tiga segmen ini banyak menonjolkan kisah-kisah yang memalukan bangsa Melayu..kadangkala aku berasa segan nak menjamah cerita-cerita sedemikian kerana ianya seakan-akan aku sedang melihat kealpaan diri sendiri..tetapi untuk mengetahui apakah gerangan keadaan orang Melayu masa kini, aku terpaksa menguatkan tekad dan teruskan membaca..maka tersingkaplah satu persatu kisah sedih, pedih dan memalukan anak bangsa Melayu masa kini..
berfokuskan kepada segmen hiburan kali ini, aku memang menyampah kalo tengok gambar-gambar artis Melayu terutamanya perempuan yang ada pada kertas surat khabar itu..belum lagi aku membaca kisah-kisah menarik dan sensasi kononnya berkenaan diri mereka..pada pendapat diri aku yang berkemungkinan jumud ini, cerita seperti itu tiada kaitannya dengan diri aku lantas tak perlulah nak dihebah-hebahkan ke serata negara..publisiti-publisiti seperti inilah yang membuatkan mereka semakin rancak berkecimpung dalam dunia yang dipenuhi maksiat dan dosa itu..kemudian keluarlah pula kata-kata seperti "saya sekadar mencari sumber rezeki yang sah" dan "saya masih sedar batas-batas agama" yang membuatkan aku semakin kagum dengan keberanian mereka memperkatakan kebodohan diri sendiri..bukan niat aku nak mencerca bidang yang mereka ceburi malahan diri mereka yang kerap terpapar di kaca televisyen, majalah dan sebagainya, tetapi mentaliti dan ketidaksedaran diri mereka itu yang membuatkan aku cukup bengang dengan cara hidup mereka.."kalau kau nak sangat hidup macam orang barat, baik kau pergi saja ke sana" antara yang selalu bermain dalam fikiran aku tiapkali aku mendapat berita berkenaan artis-artis ini..
kejayaan terbaru, ASK2008..tahniah kepada pihak yang berkenaan kerana telah mendedahkan kepada rakyat di Malaysia khususnya remaja dan kanak-kanak berkenaan dunia hiburan masa kini..dedahan tersebut banyak mempamerkan aksi-aksi artis yang mendedah kepada masyarakat muda ini..dengan adanya pendedahan seperti ini, maka golongan-golongan muda yang akan menjadi pendokong bangsa di masa akan datang akan menjadi semakin terdedah kepada dunia tersebut..mudah-mudahan mereka juga mampu menandingi kadar dedahan itu apabila mereka semakin mendedahkan diri mereka di kawasan-kawasan awam seluruh ibu kota..siaran seperti inilah yang memberi pendedahan kepada mereka mengenai bahagian-bahagian tubuh badan yang perlu didedahkan untuk menarik perhatian masyarakat..dedahan-dedahan ini mampu menjana lebih banyak lagi gejala sosial yang mampu menjunamkan lagi nilai moral dan ekonomi warganegara Malaysia di masa akan datang..tahniah sekali lagi dan terima kasih daun keladi lain kali dedahlah lagi..
bukan soal aurat yang aku cukup bengangkan tetapi ke'bangang'an pihak-pihak tertentu yang mempamerkan pendedahan artis itu kepada masyarakat negara ini khususnya generasi muda..sikap mengaut suka mengaut keuntungan mudah inilah yang menyumbang kepada kejatuhan nilai moral muda-mudi masa kini..cukup pening aku memikirkan masalah mentaliti masuk dunia hiburan terus tak sedarkan diriini..belum lagi isu 'dunia Melayu' yang selalu disebut-sebut macam gah sangat padahal tak segagah manapun..
apa itu dunia Melayu??mungkin ada rezeki di lain hari aku akan sisipkan disini..pada masa ini, aku sudah lapar sebenarnya..perut mula meminta untuk diisi jadi sampi disini sajalah buat masa ini..
hehehe
^_^

mask

everyday, I wake up from my slumber, go the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face and then back to my room..I start changing into my daily clothes while thinking about this day ahead of me..all the chores waiting for me, all these peoples I need to meet, all the things I need to do..just then, I put on the 'mask'..
this mask is not like the one you can buy in the shop or like anything you saw in a masquarade..this mask is made from a layer of skin which really is my face..this mask can talk, laugh and keep smiling through out the day..it is as lively as any other faces u seen or have yet it is just a mask..
the reason I call it a mask, because it serves that function really well..keeping my real expression hidden underneath it so nobody will notice what my feeling is actually at that time..people will blame me for acting this way..some might even says that I'm being hyphocrite..but I'm not doing this for my own gain..it's for their own good I tell you..I mean people cannot ussualy stand to be asking for help from someone with a bored and gloomy face..they'll feel like they are much inferior to this kind of people if it is them they are asking for a favour from..it's nobody fault..really..it's just the way a human is..
I got a few other masks which I wear when the time needed..a sad mask for a teary occassion, a straight faced mask in a serious event and even an innocent-guilty looking mask which I use when avoiding conflict with others..sometimes I even make a special mask for special circumstances example loving looking during a date, a concern look for an unfortunate event and more..yet, all of them are just used to hide my real, hollow looking face..cause of the intense boredom which I suffered..
other people also have their own mask..I presume this, especially actors, celebrities and politicians must all had a dark side which they can never shown to public..I understand even normal people have to fake their expressions once in a while also..that is a gift which they should not have to begin with..because from there, lies, betrayal, hate, jealousy, greed, gluttony, sloth and pride were born into human..with just a mere hope, they must cling thightly to continue on surviving their brief lifespan..if only they couldn't use this mask, the world would have been an even better place for them..
althought, it will be the same for me..always had been and always to come..

dark soul

worthless..that's how I really feel about myself right now..no..I think it had been like that for even longer..this is not humility..not even solf-conciousness..it's just the way I am..for a long, long, long time..ever wondered what the point of living??I had like in every waking momment..it's just that..I got lost track of things so easily..things which are supposed to be important..things which will meant the most..things..all sort of things..things I keep ignoring..yeah..ignorant is the most suitable word for me..
right now..I'm nothing more but a lump of flesh and blood waiting for this day to end..or even for my life..I just can't keep up with all this boredom filling up within me..annoying yet nothing I'll do ever statisfying..does that mean I'm too conceited??what does it mean anyway..I just use it because that what came up in me..hah..damn..will I be getting bored to death here..in all my past..all that I can remember is the bored feeling whenever I become familiar with something..be it a sport, games, hobbies whatever..dont even talk about fashion..it didn't last for more than half a day to me..nothing seems to be enough for me..once I learned how to do things..then all that I can see is the times I'll be repeating the same things over and over again..it will always be the same thing from that point onward..nothing ever change after that..all I did was running in circle..not getting anywhere..
how can everybody else be changing yet I'm still the same..frustated..lost interest in things that I do..why can't something be enough for me..anything..I played a hundred games a week yet I never finished more than 1 or two..once I mastered all the element there is in the game then the loop will start..always the same things to do..leveling up..beating the boss..I had to level up to be able to defeat it..yet leveling up is repeating the same thing over and ever again..until at certain level I'll be sure to defeat the last boss of the game..why can't I fight it when I'm still weak and not getting a game over??
heck..I dont even understand what I'm saying here..I lost interest in typing so this is where it'll end..nothing more after this fullstop..