These Final Moment..

been busy with the kissm..and also the connection was not so good these past couple of days actually..so I hadn't made any new entry so far..this 1??I'm in the middle of packing up my stuffs right now..taking a short break and thought maybe I'll update my blog for a bit..plus the connection is going rather smoothly so I can't let this opportunity slip pass me by..after, this maybe the last time I'll be texting in this journal of mine as a student..heh..really now..the idea of me becoming a working guy seems so close now but it still feels unreal just as much..I'd visualized myself in the situation for thousands of times already..yet I can't grasped the reality of those visions just yet..does this means that even though I act composed and steady all the time I'm still scared inside..sigh..that is so immature of me..looks like there's more that I need to learn for the time to come..well, learning will never stops after all..hehehe =p

To Busy or Not To Busy..

that's a parody from Shakespeare's "To Be or Not To Be"..I heard that KISSM's assignments is due this Friday..to tell the truth, I'm not feeling any heat nor motivated to start working on any of the given task yet..say I'm lazy or I'm ignorant or I'm a procrastinator,  I don't plan to burn the midnight oil doing it..I'd rather stay up playing games or just sleep and recover my strength for the next day to come..heh..yeah it's so wrong but I can't seem to help it myself..I know I can do it once I put my hands to work but I really, really, REALLY don't feel like going anything yet..well, maybe just the collaboration form for now..sigh..like I said earlier..I'm in a very non-motivated mood to start working right now..shouldn't but nothing seems to make sense for now except for this boredom and selfish thought..in the end, I ended up completing this stuff..

I don't know what to say..

I don't know what to speak..

I don't know what to ask..

I don't know what to think..

 

want to console you..

but I'm not sure how..

want to soothe you..

but I'm not sure if I can..

 

if you don't mind..

and if you want to..

throw it out..

this soul can listen..

it will bear it..

and I'm sure it won't break..

 

you don't need to understand..

you don't need to care..

but if you ever need me..

trust me I'll be there..

zzz..I made this 1 about 4-5 years ago..it's a short message based for the hand phone SMS system..I said I completed it but I just changed the words from the very SHORT FORMS to a much more adequate style..recalling back to that time, it's a keen memory which I'll never forget..well not yet anyway..hehehe..the HOTTEST topic to be discussed about now, is where in the world am I'll to end up teaching later..narrow that down where in the country then because I'm not going to teach outside the country anyway..maybe I'll post it here when I know about the place officially later on..

Blog Alumni berwajah baru..

Blog PISMK-OUM IPIS Cohort 1 kini sudah berwajah baru..sesiapa yang ingin melawat bolehlah berkunjung ke pautan ini..

ataupun : http://alumnipismkipis.blogspot.com/

A story..

This is a story..about a guy..he had a feeling towards a girl which he kept for almost 4 years..just because he isn't sure whether his feeling is true or not..because earlier, he had fallen for another girl which went oversea studying and promised to wait for her return with an answer..in order to keep that promise and be true toward his own feeling, he kept holding it for those 2 long years..while the other girl is away, he decided to put a barrier between himself and the girl who's with him at that time..he decided to put on a mask shielding all of his passion deep underneath it..while he's waiting, he can't help noticing how interesting that girl really is..several time he lost control of his own will and nearly went ahead of himself but recovered just in time..sensing he couldn't keep himself in control if things went on the way it was back then, he started to act differently toward that girl..he teased on her, playing around with other girls and so on..he even used a different nick name to see if it's true for the girl to have feeling for him..even when he's sure she is the one for him he still couldn't break his promise..he was hoping for that girl to stay away from him and it works..it keeps her at bay..finally, the girl he had waited for come back..when he asked her for an answer she replied with a "Sorry"..she couldn't accept him into her life..the guy knew the answer would come out that way..but, he decided to be honest and kept his promise to the end..now that he's free, he turn around to look at the other girl which was beside him all those time..the girl which he toyed upon, and occasionally hurt..but she's not looking at him anymore..then he realized, that girl had also turned away from him..not because she couldn't accept him but because she was hurt real bad..that guy was overcome by guilt..he cursed all the actions he had taken..he regretted the way he acted toward her..but it was already too late for him..later he found a note the girl had typed..the girl said she had loved but it was too much for herself to bear..and he knew it was for him although it was never delivered..he realized how wrong he was but he could never went back to the beginning and take a different path..try as he might but he could never undone what have been done..so in the end, he stand up into the light and confessed his true feeling, for her to hear because he want her to know he was already hers all the time..and he's truly sorry for all he had done..then he bowed down, holding back on his regret and walk away..the curtain slowly closed behind..that is how the story ended for him..

so..how was the story then..the rain brings up a melancholy feeling and I can't help it but to write this whole thing up.."Is it a true story?" some may ask..I say it is..my father had once said to me and he's very proud of it "opportunity knocks on every door, but only once" and that would suit as the moral of the story very much..but to me, being true to oneself is not a sin..by doing something wholeheartedly, it's as good as a job well done regardless of the outcome..so just as the guy in the story had done, I'll take off my hat and bow down for now..the end..

The Parting..

both my parents have gone away now..not that they have passed  or anything..they just went to the Holy Land performing the Haj..I'll not be seeing them for about a month or so..this is the first parting that I mention above..the second parting will be with my friends and colleagues which are going to get their posting places in a few days..well, some of them have already received the informant later which was delivered to each respective houses..so their parents had contacted and informed them about the news..my household is empty for now so I wouldn't know if any letter regarding my posting information arrived yet..I don't care much about where I'll be posted too just I need to know for the sake of packing up and some other trivial matters..I'm the one who is in charge of the house for now so I need to make preparation in case I'm going to go far away..my younger siblings are now over at our relative house for the time being until I can came back from my studies..anyway, the fact here is that I'll be parting with my classmates, batch, juniors and the whole institutional members which I attend for the past few years..the time has finally arrives for us  to go our separate ways..everyone will be walking down the path of working without any clues about whether we'll ever meet again  in the future or not..still, this is the route everyone must follow in their way to continue living..dead man won't need this kind of stuff right..heh..then I'll also be parting with my own life..as a student..like I mentioned earlier, this is the path I must follow as a process of growing up into adulthood..the first part of my life is going to end and it's time to trod along the second chapter..let it be alone or as a group, I'll still be embarking on this ongoing journey called life until the time that is given to me is up..I prayed so my wills shall never wither and my spirits will not be lost..I also pray for my other comrades wishing them courages that never falls especially those who's going to the remote areas..it takes lot of mental and spiritual firmness for one to be able to perform their duty well deep in the jungle..hehehe..good luck to those going to Sabah and Sarawak (mar, azmil, budi and those who will be getting their places soon)..I might be joining u guys if given the chance..but I'll never know for sure until tomorrow or the days to come..to all the other PISMK-OUM students all around the country, good luck and I wish you guys all the best - sincerely Ahmad Fikri Zulkifli

C&P XI

:heNsem gUy VS xheNsem gUy~~

Kalau lelaki handsome pendiam
Perempuan akan cakap:: woow, cool giler...
kalau lelaki tak handsome pendiam
Perempuan akan cakap: eh perasan bagus...

kalau lelaki handsome berbuat jahat
Perempuan akan kata: nobody's perfect
kalau lelaki tak handsome berbuat jahat
perempuan akan cakap: memang.... muka pun
macam pecah rumah!

kalau lelaki handsome menolong perempuan yg
diganggu
perempuan akan cakap: wah.. machonya.. macam
hero filem!
kalau lelaki tak handsome menolong perempuan
yang diganggu
Perempuan akan kata: entah2 kawan dia...

kalau lelaki handsome dapat perempuan cantik
perempuan akan kata: sepadan sangat...
kalau lelaki tak handsome dapat perempuan cantik
perempuan akan kata: mesti kena bomoh
perempuan tuh!

kalau lelaki handsome ditinggal kekasih
perempuan akan kata: jangan sedih, kan saya ada..
kalau lelaki tak handsome ditinggal kekasih
perempuan akan kata:...(terdiam, tapi telunjuknya
meliuk-liuk dari atas ke bawah, patutlah, tengok
saja luarannya)...

kalau lelaki handsome penyayang binatang
perempuan akan cakap: perasaannya
halus...penuh kasih sayang
kalau lelaki tak handsome penyayang binatang
perempuan akan cakap: sesama keluarga
memang harus menyayangi...

kalau lelaki handsome bawa BMW
perempuan akan cakap: matching... hebat luar
dalam
kalau lelaki tak handsome bawa BMW
perempuan akan cakap: bang, bosnya mana?...

kalau lelaki handsome tak mau bergambar
perempuan akan cakap: pasti takut kalau2
gambarnya tersebar
kalau lelaki tak handsome tak mau bergambar
perempuan akan kata: tak sanggup melihat
hasilnya ya?...

kalau lelaki handsome menuang air ke gelas perempuan
perempuan akan cakap:ini barulah lelaki gentlemen
kalau lelaki tak handsome menuang air ke gelas perempuan
perempuan akan cakap: naluri pembantu, memang
begitu....

kalau lelaki handsome bersedih hati
perempuan akan cakap: let me be your shoulder to cry on
kalau lelaki tak handsome bersedih hati
perempuan akan kata: kuat nangis!! lelaki ke
bukan ni?

hurm..lot of c&p this month..ah well..it's getting late anyway..so this will just have to do..

Poetic..

looking back at those poems, I found some of them which were made by me a long, long time ago..back then I was still in my early teenage age and like to venture into a new field..since learning literature were implemented during that time, I read a lot of poems and even represented my school in a poem competition..that was ancient history though..reading through those poems which I made myself really bring up some nostalgic memories..I was reminded about how small I was back then while trying to fill in a large gap left by my predecessor..at times I even felt helpless and those poems were mostly written as a way for me to express all those thoughts and worries..geez, even I have a cute side like that before..hahaha..anyway, writing helps me to relax and calmed my troubled soul..I don't mean to brag but my essay writing are quite good at that time but what I lack is the creativity of a poet when writing..so all those poems are very straight-forward and kind of embarrassing really..heh..I'll put 1 here for all to read..

Sometimes I’m cool,

Mostly I’m cold..

 

Sometimes I’m so full,

Mostly I’m just a fool..

 

Sometimes I act don’t care,

Mostly I can’t help but to scare..

 

Sometimes I become unapproachable,

Mostly I was still amenable..

 

Sometimes I’ll hurt,

Mostly I’m then one who’s hurt..

 

Sometimes I do foolish things,

Mostly I like to show everything..

 

Sometimes I can be cocky,

Mostly I tried to be flashy..

 

Sometimes I present sarcasm,

Mostly I feel veneration..

 

Sometimes I reveal the light,

Mostly I conceal the dark..

 

Sometimes I showed it outside,

Mostly I keep it all inside..

as u guys can see, some of the words may sounded bombastic but it's all thanks to my meddling with a thesaurus back then..getting synonyms was not much of a trouble for me..I just need to think of the words which can covey what I meant and then search for other unique word which convey the same meaning..I am creative in a way I guess..hehehe..well, the ME right now are not interested with these kind of things anymore..although I'm definitely confident with my ability to compose lyrics and words but I rather not use that as one of my shining talents..it's such a hassle really..

another long one.. C&P X

been chatting with a friend of mine a while ago..as I'm a man with great communication skills and keeping the conversation going, so I manage to juggle different topics at a time which will lengthen our discussion until hours if I feel like it..using my common sense and belief made-in-real-time, I'll attract their attention to continue talking with me..making sound and loud arguments have always been my main point in gaining interest..even if I am not too sure myself about the particular topic I'll just play around in a safe degree until I'm confident too venture even further..this particular chat log is a minor example of how it's used to be done by me -

afzrd001: toilet..

brb..

grafitti??

winfer_lianne: yeah. Toilet the famous place for student's graffiti

u know, conteng2

afzrd001: yeah..

uncivilezed art..

winfer_lianne: u've done this b4...don't u?

afzrd001: uncivilized..

nope..

I use proper pen n paper method..

winfer_lianne: yr friends will agree with me

 :P

 u were one of the,

 *them

afzrd001: i'm sure they'll agree with my arguments..

winfer_lianne: ok. sorry. kidding.

afzrd001: why??

reminiscing ur past glory??

winfer_lianne: woi !!

excuuusssee me

 never

ever

tak pernah

afzrd001: so u say..

winfer_lianne: it's vandalisme.

afzrd001: it's more towards cruelty..

winfer_lianne: really? it's just for fun ..

no harm.. in the name of art.

afzrd001: so tell me the meaning of the word "cruel"..

 maybe ur defining r diff from mine..

winfer_lianne: savage

afzrd001: ic..

just that then??

winfer_lianne: let see....cruel is deine as inhuman, violence, irrational thinking & behavior

may I add immature too?

criminal-like, gangsters.

afzrd001: ic ur poi..

winfer_lianne: whats yr definition?

afzrd001: zalim=tidak meletakkan sesuatu pd tempatnya..

learnt it long time ago..

winfer_lianne: ah. the islamic def.

says it all, huh?

dats v. good of u

afzrd001: most of my principles are established long ago..

when I can think straight n sound..

winfer_lianne: ok. I'm not so good in this, i prefer the logic & critical thinking.

might have the pillars, but for the sake of knowledge, i supposed

so yeah. my bad

afzrd001: y so..

life is an ongoing learning..

I mysf might still hv more to learn..

winfer_lianne: learn. is easy. to unlearn is not

what am i rambling about? haish.

afzrd001: habit..

winfer_lianne: got yr point.

gotta change the norms.

afzrd001: if that what we need to do then we should..

we can nvr be too sure about it ourselves..

winfer_lianne: deep~

afzrd001: lol..

winfer_lianne: :P 

afzrd001: maybe I'll copy this chat log n post it for my next blog entry XD..

winfer_lianne: no. why should u ????

but it's a new idea....

afzrd001: just for fun..

why else..

so there you have it..saying I'm really good in communicating might be a bit much but I can keep the interest level high at all time..that's what you'll need the most when involving into an important conversation or just chatting with a friends..also if it's with someone u like, better try to keep that level terned on to the max so he/she will not get bored easily when talking with you..just sharing some tips here..even in works we sometimes need to communicate with other people which we have something to gain from them..so keeping the communication lively and heated is part of the way for us getting what we need from then..that's all for now then..

C&P IX

Love's Curse

by Jessica L. Reed (GothsMourning)

 

She couldn't stand the silence,

She couldn't stand the tears,

She couldn't stand her life,

After only sixteen years.

 

He was her entire world,

She gave him all she possessed,

He did the same in return,

They were thought to be obsessed.

 

Their love couldn't be reached,

Couldn't be touched by any other,

They were all they needed,

They only wanted each other.

 

From two they became one,

They made each other whole,

They filled each other's voids,

They filled each other's souls.

 

Everything was perfect,

Everything was great,

Till one damning day,

They were told they'd have to wait.

 

Her parents were moving her,

To a distant place,

They'd be torn apart,

Couldn't see each other's face.

 

They swore they'd make it work,

Vowed to stay together,

Didn't care about the distance,

They'd be together forever.

 

She gave it all she had,

She did her very best,

But he still slipped away,

He didn't pass the test.

 

While she was thinking of him,

He had found another,

He said he couldn't do it,

He talked it over with his mother.

 

She was devastated,

Her heart was torn straight out,

She'd been such a fool,

She should have listened to her doubt.

 

From then on they stopped talking,

Never spoke again,

While he was with his new girl,

She was dreaming of him.

 

Every day she'd cry,

She tried to fight off all the pain,

But the hurting never stopped,

Just shot through every vein.

 

Months went by since the ending,

But she only grew worse,

She couldn't accept what happened,

This was love's curse.

 

It finally overtook her,

She couldn't stand it anymore,

She grabbed a picture of him,

And snuck out the front door.

 

She walked into the woods,

Found a secluded place,

Kept thinking of the past,

And how she'd been replaced.

 

Hours later she was found,

In a pool of her blood,

And beside her they found,

His picture in the mud.

 

On the back read her reason,

Why she took her life,

What he did to her,

It seemed he had held the knife.

 

Though physically he didn't kill her,

He tore her soul apart,

It was obvious how she did,

It was from a broken heart.

I had been keeping poems, articles or stories I found on the net for years..the one above is just one of the many more I had..I found it's a good habit to store things like this as I can read it again sometimes later when I'm bored..most of all, I can use them as a base material for a post, message or etc..it really paid off..by the way, the poem above is a very dark one..plus very long..hehe..maybe that's why I feel attracted to keep it with me all these years..lol..just kidding..I keep it as a reminder so I'll never be the one that hold the knife someday..but when I think back, maybe I've been playing with a few knives without me even realizing..

Timefull XD

Is that really a word??well I don't care much..it's just a tittle anyway..I'll be having a lot of free times in this coming month or so I guessed XD..examination, practical, lectures and etc are all in the past now..the only thing left is this going on course..anyone familiar with the term KISSM??it's the acro for Kursus Induksi Sistem Saraan Malaysia..too lazy too translate so in my own simple words it'll be a course for introducing the working system..hurm, that didn't sounds close at all..don't bother about it..just a normal course I guess..full of talks for hours that for sure..and I recall hearing there will be an examination based on the content of the course at the end of this month..sigh, can't they let us go peacefully..heh..I would prefer an early holiday since this seems to be my last month as a student afterall..gonna be a working man starting December..sometimes it even feels unreal to me myself..but hey, life must go on..there's no stopping the flow of time anyway..eventhough I'll love to-

spent time with my classmate n friends..trips, bowling, karaoke or whatever..I don't mind..an,

all boys out sounded pretty nice anytime..although I prefer the company of some girls too..then,

maybe I'll join an outdoor camps..which I prefer much, much more over sitting for hours listening sleepily..so,

I can flung myself out into the wilderness seeking new knowledges and new adventures..or,

just chilling out by myself..thinking about what to do next and fantasizing how my future will be..

well..fantasy and reality would always found themselves contradicting each other..there's no helping to it then..better to tough it out until the end as usual..that's the stuff I'm made of anyway..good luck to me then =P